How The Lesbian Community Forgot How To Treat Women

By Stephanie Papadopoulos

Most of us would consider ourselves feminists. Pro-equality. Against gender violence, gender roles and gender inequality.

Although it can sometimes feel like a hazy line, we are generally able to define acceptable and unacceptable behaviour in our relationships.

Those of us playing on the other side of the fence however, know that for some reason these ideas aren’t as neatly translated into homosexual relationships. What’s worse is that abusive tendencies have become so common, we’ve begun to think it’s normal and forgotten it’s not okay.

As women who interact with other women in love and sex, you’d think while emotions might run high, overall we’d treat one another pretty well.

We’re all for closing the gap between the sexes; but what about the gap within our relationships?

Somewhere between the blurred lines of friendship, love and lust, we’ve forgotten how to treat one another as women.

I’m not really into Sydney’s lesbian scene. In fact, I spend most of my time actively avoiding it; partly because most of my friends are straight, but mostly because I hate how lesbians treat one another.

Perhaps because I’ve spent the majority of my time “out” with more straight friends than gay ones, I haven’t been desensitized to the daily dose of crazy-lesbian that all my gay friends seem to think is so normal.

The ‘Scene’ makes me ashamed to call myself gay.

It’s not the drunken fights, the meltdowns, the hysteria. We all get drunk and emotional and stupid occasionally. It’s the way in which we interact with one another. It’s the manipulation by the jealous, controlling girlfriends, the women crying in the bathroom because of the girlfriend who cheated, the exes who parade new lovers before old lover’s eyes just to be petty.

It’s women who belittle, humiliate and attack one another – even physically fight. It’s the controlling girlfriend who won’t let their girlfriend to talk to that girl, or that girl, or that guy because he definitely wants to fuck her, or – …

Do you see my point?

This is supposed to be love? This is what I should expect out of a relationship-women who treat other women so horribly it borders on emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse- it’s pretty horrific that these words describe behaviour many of us experience on a daily basis.

As women who have undoubtedly been subject to this demeaning behaviour from chauvinistic cis-straight guys, shouldn’t we know better than to treat each other this way?

We’ve planted a bad seed, and it’s beginning to fester. As our hetero-sisters (and brothers) fight a winning battle towards healthy, equal relationships, we’re going backwards.