How The Scots College Turned Me Queer

By Mikey Carr

Let’s face it: not many of us have nice things to say about high school, and while I have a number of awful memories of my time at The Scots College, some of my fondest are of discovering my nascent attraction to men. I mean it was wall to wall boys in that place, and a smart arse like me received a good deal of beatings, insults, emasculation and humiliation at the hands of the muscle bound jocks. Some days I wish I could go back.

As you can imagine then, my rosy recollection of my journey to homosexual self discovery was a little rocked when I heard yesterday that the school was seeking advice from the Presbyterian Church on the “homosexual agenda” and what they should do if a same sex couple wanted to enrol their child at the school – the fear assumedly being they’d gay it up. (I know, ridiculous right? As if the place could get more gay anyway. I mean, one of the most prized achievements you could attain was to get gold trim on your blazer. I mean hello!)

Denouncing same sex relationships in their statement, the Church however condescendingly recommended that such couples and their children “need guidance”, and so should not be turned away. Essentially saying they’ll take your kid, but just indoctrinate them to believe that their parents are going to burn in hell for all eternity. Swell.

The thing is, if my experience is anything to go by, sending your son to Scots is more than likely to “turn him gay”  than anything else; or as I would put it, make him aware of any same sex attraction he might have because he’s surrounded by guys all the time.

It’s hard to imagine more of a hotbed of guy-on-guy attraction outside of the armed services. It was horseplay bordering on foreplay bordering on sexual abuse on the sports field and in the dorm rooms 24/7. Someone in my year, when on camp, actually hid naked in the bottom of someone’s bed and sucked their toes to “scare” them. Last year there was even a story that hit the papers on a student being held down and having another boys genitals rubbed in their face. It’s like a gay porn version of Lord Of The Flies (Lord Of The Bi-guys?)

You’d think with the orgy of boy on boy sexual bullying, that all boys schools like this would be the first to embrace programs like Safe Schools, or at least address the problem with students. What better way to ensure the psychological and physical safety of the students no?

No. Of course not. Why? Because Scots is in bed with the Church, and we all know how good their track record for looking after young boys is.

You see as fond as my memories of Scots are now – ten years later and the rose tinted glasses of nostalgia and the blinkers of alcohol induced memory loss painting a far kinder picture than reality I’m sure – the truth is there was always a shadow of religion hanging over my time there.

The school itself was very multi-cultural, and I had classmates from all around the world and from every different religious and ethnic background you could think of. Despite this, Buddhist, Jewish and Muslim boys I studied with were – like little old agnostic faggot me – forced to attend chapel once a week.

It wouldn’t piss me off so much though, if it weren’t for the fact that despite turning over a $3.5 million dollar profit last year, the school still receives millions of dollars in state funding, over $18 million from 2012 – 2014. This means that despite separation of church and state, the school still gets to take state funds while seemingly operating under the rule of religious law.

That or the fact that they need to ask the Church’s advice now, and not when accusations of abuse among students and teachers alike have been made, nor when members of staff were fired for being found with child porn. I mean if anything you’d think the Church could give them a few damage control pointers if not spiritual guidance.

Despite all this though, I remember my time at the school well for one reason. I had amazing teachers. I always felt like there were staff who supported me, but more than that, in their own ways they helped me discover who I was. Whether it was book recommendations (to think what trash I’d be reading now were it not for my year 12 English teacher), or even just an insight from class, there were a handful of teachers who in my time there shaped who I would become in a huge way. More so in a way than even my friends and family.

That’s why is such a shame to hear the school lean on the Church, and Christian right wing buzzwords, instead of showing the world what a supportive and progressive place it can be. It may be too much to ask of my old school, but considering the stupid amount of money my parents paid I’m going to ask anyway.

I’m going to ask Scots to stand up against the conservative voices within the administration and alumni and earn the right to their $30,000 a year price tag by leading the way forward for private boys schools around the country.

If the school really thinks homosexuality is a sin, they are the ones who need guidance.