How To Argue Against The Fucking Plebiscite
By Samuel Leighton-Dore
Tomorrow is election day.
That means that in like 30 hours we’ll have a pretty good idea of whether or not Turnbull’s gross plebiscite will be going ahead. Whether or not we’ll be able to get married to our loved ones some day. Whether or not we’ll be spending the next few days, weeks and months viciously defending ourselves and those we care about against ignorance and hate speech.
How fun.
Naturally, banging your head against the wall in defence of one’s right to not be slandered on a national scale is pretty frustrating stuff – so, in the name of both camaraderie and time efficiency, I’ve created this definitive counter-ignorance cheat-sheet to reference whenever locking horns with a pro-pleb, anti-equality moron.
Because even if the pleb does eventuate, we can overcome this shit.
Need proof? Here’s a super young Shia Labouf cheering us on:
Look, the arguments we’re likely to come up against in the coming months will vary beautifully in ignorance and hurtfulness. We’re all a bunch of pedophiles etc child grooming etc.
But of the less-damaging, more common arguments I’ve already heard, here’s how I’d recommend responding.
1. “BUT IT’S DEMOCRACY!”
Well, not really.
Sure, the plebiscite would be considered somewhat democratic if it were in any way conclusive and/or binding. But it isn’t. The Liberals initially introduced the pleb as a sneaky-ass way of diverting attention from the growing push for a free vote in parliament. They argued that such a momentous change to the Aussie way of life ought to be voted upon by the Australian people – not just politicians. However, again, with the pleb being totally non-binding and MPs allowed to vote against the public majority, it turns out there WILL be a free vote after all. The only difference is that it will now cost taxpayers $160 million.
Nice one.
2. “BUT FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!”
Didn’t your mother ever teach you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, you should say nothing at all? There’s no doubt that freedom of speech is vital in a country like Australia. However, there’s a pretty fine line between ‘speaking freely’ and partaking in hate-speech/imposing extreme religious views onto other people. If we’re going by some of the extreme ‘freedom of speech’ we’ve already experienced in the furore surrounding Safe Schools, a national pleb will perpetuate hurtful rhetoric that will prove damaging to young people.
And there’s nothing free about that.
3. “ARE YOUS JUST SCARED YOU’LL LOSE?”
Hahahaha. Sorry, but…
No, we’re not scared we’ll lose. Support for marriage equality has been on a steady incline for well over a decade, with a majority of Australians being in favour for the past eight years. As we saw with the Yes/No campaign in Ireland (a country far more conservative and religious than Australia) love will always win out against hate and discrimination in the end.
4. “YOU GAYS ARE ALREADY ACCEPTED, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE HAPPY?”
This is a pretty common one from closet-homophobes daylighting as middle-aged straight white men sipping piccolos in influential suburbs. To them I’d suggest asking: Why weren’t women happy with entering the workforce before being allowed to vote? Why weren’t African American’s happy with having their own designated seats on buses and segregated toilets? I mean, at least they got to catch public transport and take a dump. There’s no room for settling when it comes to human rights.
We’re allowed to be idealists when it comes to human rights.
5. “THERE ARE BIGGER BLOODY PROBLEMS THAN POOFS GETTING HITCHED!”
Couldn’t agree more. Let’s get this shit over with so we can all move on, yeah? You see, just because you have a super important university assignment due doesn’t mean you forego the right to brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, do the dishes and maybe eat something. When it comes to the tireless battle for global peace and equality, the little things add up. A clean, well-fed person will write a better university assignment.
An equal, happy society is in a much stronger position to make profound changes in other areas.