POLYAMORY IS ENTERING THE MAINSTREAM

By Mikey Carr

Ok Cupid is about to introduce a feature designed specifically for polyamorous people, The Atlantic reports, allowing couples to link profiles and look for partners together. Great news for those of us in open or poly relationships, it also represents a significant milestone in our society’s progress toward ever more open views of sexuality and relationships.

The news also marks the beginning of something very exciting: polyamory is in mainstream. Let’s look at the numbers.

24% of OK Cupid users are “seriously interested” in group sex and 42% would be interested in dating someone already in an open or poly relationship, both figures up by 8% from five years ago. Monogamy, on the other hand, is somewhat out of fashion, dropping out of the majority for the first time, with only 44% of users identifying as being solely interested in a single partner.

It kind of reminds me of the ascendancy of the Lib Dems, although in this case the fucking around will be consensual.

“It seems that now people are more open to polyamory as a concept,” said Jimena Almendares, OkCupid’s chief product officer.

Culturally, polyamory has always been lurking around in the background, usually associated with perversion or depravity (Don’s Party) and risqué European arthouse films (The Dreamers), although occasionally bizarre homey charm such as with Paint My Wagon (look it up, Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood are both married to Jean Seaberg). However these days it’s everywhere from shows like Vikings (so much wife sharing) to a fucking reality TV shows – Sister Wives. And while I can’t say that many such depictions really do a good job of conveying what it’s like to pursue an alternative relationship (reality TV after all being based on gawking at the subjects), in the case of Sister Wives, the fact it exists at all is pretty astounding despite how offensive it may be to some.

Whatever way you look at it, polyamory is fast becoming a big business, and one that OK Cupid wasn’t about to leave by the wayside, following the numbers to what they hope is a brand new cash cow. To be honest I’m surprised it took them this long – although I would have really liked to have been in the meeting where polyamorous couples were discussed as a “growth market”.

What exciting times.

My cynicism aside, one has to applaud OK Cupid not only for this, but for their consistent moves acknowledging and supporting individuals who don’t ascribe to traditional sexual or romantic norms. Adding the ‘open relationship’ setting back in 2014, last year they expanded the range of genders offered as options by the site. Options such as transgender and genderqueer were among the new genders offered, that added to the others brought the total to 22.

Allowing poly couples to search for ‘guest stars’ without having to share a profile or use one of the niche dating sites that cater specifically to poly couples, the new features have really just allowed couples the same flexibility that the gender options offer individuals.

In an age where our social interactions and how we view the world are ever more filtered through the digital media, social or otherwise that we consume, the way websites like OK Cupid work has a real impact on the way we see ourselves and each other. And it seems like more and more people getting turned on to getting it on with more than one person is one of those impacts. Woo hoo baby, full throttle into the turbo future sex utopia.

Looking back over my own Rochelle Rochelle like journey of sexual self-discovery, I can only imagine how much sooner I would have begun experimenting if I had these features at my fingertips, and I think a lot of young couples today will begin to do just that. And I for one think that’s a great thing, because as Jimena Almendares said “Finding your partner is very important… you should have the option to express specifically and exactly who you are and what you need.”

And while some of us who grew up out in the cold may be hesitant to be dragged in with all the ‘norms’, for future generations on people looking to find themselves this can only be good. Bravo Ok Cupid, bravo.