SCIENCE REVEALS WHY SOME PEOPLE HAVE RESTING BITCH FACE

By James Branson

Picture above: Kirsten Stewart, the poster child for resting bitch face.

Taking a much needed break from smashing particles together to figure out the nature of the universe, finding a cure for cancer, and inventing hoverboards (come one guys where the fuck are they already?), scientists have finally moved on to something genuinely important and figured out what causes resting bitch face (RBF).

Using facial recognition software, a team of researchers found that RBF is characterised by higher levels of unconscious, subtle contempt: but the team concluded that those who suffer from RBF aren’t even aware of the horrendous thoughts going on in the subconscious that lead to coming across as such assholes.

In fact, RBF is equally a result of the viewer picking up on very slight signs of contempt and totally overreacting.

“It is the perception of that unconscious, subtle contempt expression that defines RBF. Although that face may not be intentional, the viewer’s brain is wired to analyse, and recognise, when a face is displaying even minute traces of contempt.”

So… it turns out that while resting bitch face is partly the result of an overreaction in the viewer, those who suffer from it are actually displaying signs of contempt. I knew it! That girl at work does actually hate me – even though she doesn’t quite know it.

Additionally, the researchers determined that both males and females suffer from RBF in equal numbers, but that for reasons as-yet-unknown-but-most-likely-a-bit-sexist, we recognise the disorder (disorder? Yeah, let’s run with that) in women more than men.

If you’d like to determine once and for all if you or a friend have resting bitch face, you can submit a photograph here and the scientists will get back to you.