Sydney woman makes heartbreaking plea for equality after partner’s death

By Heaps Gay Staff

Lara Ryan, whose partner of ten years, Elise, died in a car accident three weeks ago, has made a heartbreaking plea for marriage equality following the struggles she encountered with official red tape in the wake of Elise’s tragic death.

“Having lost my partner in a horrible pedestrian accident this month I had to ask policemen if I was ‘allowed’ to write Spouse on incident reports. I had to cross out boxes for husband on the death certificate and boxes for father on our new baby’s birth certificate (both on the same day)” Ryan wrote on a Facebook post with the hashtag #thisiswhy

Initially, Ryan had trouble getting into the emergency ward to give Elise, with whom she has two children, a last goodbye.

“I had a baby in my arms and I was at the entrance to the emergency room, going, ‘You’ve got to let me in, you’ve got to let me in… it’s my wife,’ ” she told Fairfax.

After explaining things Ryan was allowed to see her wife before she passed away, and described hospital staff as “just amazing”.

“They [the hospital staff] did not discriminate, they spoke directly to me, they have let me make decisions. I think if this had happened 10 years ago it could have been a very different story and we’ve come a really, really long way.”

However, since Elise’s death, Ryan has struggled to explain the nature of their relationship to lawyers, government officials and insurance companies.

“For anyone – whether you’re gay, straight, a son, a daughter, a sister, a partner – it’s a very trying thing to tell the same story over and over again and go through forms and red tape and not fitting into particular boxes,”

“If I had a husband, I would just say ‘My husband has passed away,’ and people would get that.

“But every person I’ve spoken to today, I’ve had to explain the back story, that she was my partner, de facto, and that hurts, because I don’t see her as my de facto, I don’t see her as a partner. I see her as my wife. We were married in our eyes.”

As of writing, a GoFundMe campaign to help Lara Ryan has received $33,000 in donations. You can help here.