THE KKK IS NOW ACCEPTING JEWS AND GAYS

By James Branson

Your friendly neighbourhood racist organisation, Ku Klux Klan, are doing their best to rebrand themselves as the “new Klan” and increasing membership by opening their doors to all those minorities they previously wanted dead!

According to 2012 stats, the KKK has a membership somewhere between 5,000 and 8,000 and despite being notorious for racist violence (anybody remember all those cheeky lynchings of black people?), a few black individuals have already expressed interest in joining. The only recruitment requirements that the KKK are now using are to be over the age of 18 and living in the Pacific Northwest; the new direction espoused by the organisation is simply for a “strong America”.

This new direction taken by the organisation is being headed by John Abarr, a director of recruitment (or Imperial Kleagle as the kooky organisation refers to him).

Abarr organised a summit with several civil rights groups and has even told the press that he has become an official member of the NAACP, having paid the $30 enrolment fee and donated $20 to them – appropriate repayment for all those years of loathing and incitement of violence, don’t you think?

The Imperial Wizard (no, actually, that’s the title for the head of the KKK) has condemned Abarr’s move as vying for political favour and, unsurprisingly, both the NAACP and Montana Human Rights Network have expressed suspicion. If the KKK were really looking to be rebranded, perhaps they should just drop the name altogether because they are never going to recover from their PR issues at this point.

Turns out Abarr is being chastised on both ends – the KKK are upset at him for not being racist enough and the Republican party are still condemning him for being too much of a racist. What is a guy to do?