The Myopic Push For Acceptance Through Marriage Equality Is Leaving Bodies In Its Wake

By Jessica Merritt

Edit: I am fully aware that the nature of this article will provoke controversy, which is entirely the point. When we blind ourselves, willingly or otherwise, to the consequences of our actions, we dull our ability to think rationally and objectively, and make bad decisions informed by bad logic. When we provide emotive responses ignorant of their impact, we only damage ourselves. Additionally, the specific focus of this article is marriage equality as it affects our community. Not just gays and lesbians.

It is interesting to see, as we move into another decade of the constant battle against homophobia, how little the core fundamental issues have changed. While there has been a noticeable shift in mainstream acceptance for gay, lesbian and bisexual people, the bulk of the strongest opponents to true equality remain essentially unchanged, and transphobia has in fact increased.

While things have gotten better, at least in some communities, the fact is that people in our trans community face discrimination on a daily basis in virtually every facet of their lives. Access to health services, employment opportunities, accommodation, emergency care and social services are all compromised, and even with the advent of legal protections both here and overseas, this subtext of hatred and intolerance continues unchecked.

In fact, it appears in some ways to have actually increased.

The interesting thing is, those who are most vested in the pursuit of hate against people in our community show utter reluctance to accept even openly conservative gay men. Openly gay Liberal MP Tim Wilson found this out first hand.

“But we just had an AFL pride game” you say. Yes, we did. But this also happened.

“No one cares if you are gay anymore,” is something you hear a lot. “I accept everyone as they are,” you also hear a lot. But do they really? Do you read the comments sections in the notoriously homophobic The Australian?

So, we have established that feral bigots are not going away anytime soon. Not while Lyle Shelton and his merry band of hate merchants have Mal’s ear. And since it seems that they are about to be given $7.5 million to tell everyone exactly how they feel about queers, we are in for a hell of a lot more of it.

Therefore it all beggars the question – is it really worth it? Is this the hill we as a community want to die on?

Before you get all hot and bothered and dash off a quick comment to inform me what a bigoted stain on humanity I am, hear me out.

There are a tremendous number of issues that adversely impact the community in 2016, and when I sit to write them all down, I really, really struggle to see how marriage equality takes such priority.

Marriage Equality isn’t even an issue that the community itself is united on. Against Equality: Queer Critiques of Gay Marriage makes some compelling arguments for the detrimental impact of a relentless push for mainstream acceptance.

Against Equality makes the powerful argument that same-sex marriage is an essentially conservative cause, an effort to prop up a fundamentally unfair system. As an alternative, it offers us the inspiring vision of a truly radical queer politics, devoted to attacking injustice, not just allowing a few more gay people to benefit from it.

This discussion has been pushed to the sidelines for some time as the powerful gay lobby groups drive a singular agenda on behalf of an incredibly diverse community. These reasons can vary from seeing it as an unnecessary validation of a relationship that is authentic in its own right, or is a facsimile of a religious ceremony, and also in its own way intrinsically misogynistic and disadvantages women.

That same study also points out that many couples are satisfied if equivalent legal protections are in place as an alternative.

So, why then is it so hard to have this discussion within our own community without being labelled a screaming homophobe? Why is it that our self-appointed ‘leaders’ have decided that mainstream acceptance and heteronormative equivalency are the goals we should be striving for?

Much of it, I sense, boils down to acceptance. The shifting of societal views towards gay men over the last 20 or 30 years has opened a lot of doors for gay men, and to a lesser extent lesbians, while remaining firmly shut for the rest of the community. And those that got through crave acceptance into the mainstream, people with whom they align socially, financially and ethnically.

This, of course, is a self-defeating goal.

Anyone in the community who thinks that marriage equality will open some magical door of acceptance into the ranks of mainstream society are kidding themselves. Rather than welcoming the efforts from some in the community to ‘normalize’ gay relationships, the drive for marriage is actually generating more homophobia around the world.

The push for marriage equality is coming at a tremendous cost for the members of the community who have no wish or need to engage with these rituals. We are seeing a wave of homophobia and transphobia right here in Australia, driven by the far right, rapidly gaining momentum, spurred on by the uncompromising, rigidly inflexible stance taken by marriage activists. This utter lack of compromise or flexibility rankles many Australians, who feel that their own views are not being listened to, and many otherwise perfectly reasonable and fair minded Australians will be lent the desire to vote ‘No’ simply because that’s how Australians react when someone tries to lecture them or chide them.

The right are taking pot shots at soft targets, such as transgender kids (chiefly amongst the writers and readership of such sterling publications as The Australian and the Daily Telegraph.

It is interesting to see how the Marriage, Inc. camp falls strangely silent when transphobia is occurring on a daily basis. A quick Google search of Miranda Devine and transphobia alone fills a screen, over a two month period in the spearhead of the assault on transgender kids. And no comment from Marriage, Inc.

This started with the push for marriage equality. It is hurting kids, and the Marriage, Inc. juggernaut rolls on anyway. The complete inability of anyone involved in this political machine to see the very real damage it is doing to transgender people in particular is frustrating beyond belief. And who wants to take bets on who will step forward to pick up the pieces when the pyrrhic war is finally ‘won’?

Surely there are better hills to die on than marriage equality?

I can, off the top of my head, think of a number of critical issues that the community should be focused on ahead of marriage equality. Getting PrEP on the PBS for starters. Improving mental health options for queer kids being exposed to the vitriol generated by the push for marriage equality would be another. Why isn’t this being discussed more?

This link goes a lot further, listing 15 issues that are more important to the majority of us.

If people want to continue this battle, that is their right, but at least own up and acknowledge the very real cost it is incurring. The religious right and their supporters will never accept you, and the intense level of hate that this shit-storm is going to unleash will claim yet more bodies, even if marriage equality comes to pass. The ACL isn’t going to shrug and give up, they are simply going to move the battleground, as they did in the USA, and push on for decades to come.

Is it worth it? Really?