BUBBLE BUTTS. CUDDLE PUDDLES. PHALLIC FRUITS!

By Samuel Leighton-Dore

Bubble butts. Cuddle puddles. Phallic fruits.

No, I’m not browsing Grindr profiles. Rather, I’m attempting to introduce Cute Brute, Instagram’s answer to kinky PG man-whore art. The Brooklyn-based illustrator uploads his power-bottom heavy works on a weekly basis (so you should probably follow him right now @TheCuteBrute), accurately depicting all those awkward Kodak moments gay men experience in the glorious fuck- fest that is life.

Like when you go nuts-deep for a few donuts.

 

Or hit the speedo-tanning a little too hard in summer.

 

When you’re reading a super great book, but also feel the sudden need to stretch and fuck.

 

When you’re dying to give your new vinyl a spin after hitting the gym.

 

Or when you invite two mates around to Netflix and chill, but slip in a puddle and lose all your clothing.

 

When bobbing for apples isn’t just a game for kids.

 

When your birthday cake comes with a surprise multi-limbed performance.

 

Or when you’re introducing yourself to your new hot AF neighbour. At midnight. Through his bedroom window. 

 

Oh, and when you’re back at his place and DTF – but just need to seal the deal.

 

Le sigh. Now, if only we could somehow find a way to connect Cute Brute with some open-minded Apple executives – we might finally get some emojis worthy of Mardi Gras season.